


he ain't a man and sure as hell ain't honest

by smallredboy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Chance Meetings, Falling Out of Love, Jewish Character, M/M, Past Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Past Cheating, Trans Aaron Burr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 22:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14942657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: A chance meeting causes Aaron to know some unfortunate truths about his boyfriend, Alexander.





	he ain't a man and sure as hell ain't honest

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MysteryWriter36](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteryWriter36/gifts).



> this was for a prompt and it quickly spiraled out of control. this is just... angsty shit. it's cleve september's laurens by the way.
> 
> title from my boy by billie eilish.
> 
> enjoy!

It all goes downhill when Aaron goes to the bar alone.

There's a man one or two shades lighter than him, curly hair put into a ponytail and a fiery smile. He's drinking whiskey. Aaron goes and sits next to him, as he's one of the few non-white people at the bar. He asks for wine and takes slow sips before starting to talk to him.

"I'm John, John Laurens," he tells him. Aaron squints a little because he recognizes his last name; it quickly fits into place. Henry Laurens- senator from South Carolina, known for his homophobic beliefs and Christian fanaticism. Aaron scoffs a little; as a Jewish convert, Christianity isn't his favorite topic to deal with. "I'm not like my father, okay?" John says when he sees the look on Aaron's face. "As I'm gay, first of all."

Aaron shrugs. "Okay, okay."

They continue talking. John is a bit talkative, a bit too loud for Aaron's taste- and he's dating Alexander, which means he's quite used to loudness. John doesn't mention his father after that, probably because his father's attitudes are an open wound to him.

Aaron understands. His grandfather, the man who raised him, was a priest of the Catholic church. A homophobe who would never understand him being trans and bisexual. But he's gone now, and his foster parents get it - so it's alright.

John tries to get him to tell him his life story, but he doesn't. He mentions having gone to the mikveh a year ago, to then have to awkwardly explain what's that.

"Oh, so you became a Jew?" he says, tilting his head. There's no malice in his eyes, just some confusion, and curiosity. "I thought you had to be like, ethnically Jewish?"

"Nah," Aaron says, shaking his head. "You don't need to. It's still a rigorous process, though."

They talk about Judaism, Aaron clearly avoiding more controversial topics, and John has a genuinely interested look on his face by when they change the topic. Something like hope, Aaron guesses, which he can relate to.

There are a few seconds of silence, and John takes another sip of his whiskey. They already talked about branches. Humming, John says, "I, uh, in what synagogue did you convert in?"

Aaron tells him the synagogue in question, raising a brow. "Why?"

"You know Henry's a Christian fanatic," he says. Aaron nearly faints at John referring to his father by his first name. He nods still, asking him to keep going. "And that drove me out of religion for a while. But I just..." he sighs. "I don't know."

"You can search stuff up, maybe watch Shabbat services live streams. You can go to the synagogue I said - they'll let you participate with open arms, even if you aren't sure about doing anything regarding Judaism."

John nods, thoughtfulness in his eyes.

They keep talking, and by John's third glass of whiskey, they fall on the topic of college and boyfriends.

Aaron clears his throat as he taps his fingers on the bar. "My boyfriend's double majoring in Political Science and English."

John stiffens a little bit. "Just curious, but what's your boyfriend's name?"

"Alexander," he says.

John's face falls. "Hamilton?"

"Hamilton," he echoes. "Why?"

John stays quiet for a bit, swirling the whiskey in the glass. He bites the inside of his cheek, something like distrust in his eyes. He drinks what he has left in the glass at once and taps his fingers on the bar. "For how long have you two been together?"

"It'll be seven months in a few days."

John clenches his fist. "You can't stay with him, Aaron."

"What?" he says, raising his brows and looking at him with concern. "Why not?"

"He's my ex, for God's sake," he says before asking for more whiskey to the bartender. "He's my ex and he cheated on me." He takes a long sip, anger on his eyes.

"He cheated on you?" he echoes, blinking. Alexander has told him he hates cheaters more than once, that there's no excuse to cheat.

"He said he was drunk and that it was a mistake but fuck, there's a lot of mistakes you're making there." He grits his teeth and looks away. "You can't accidentally fall on a dick. Or a pussy, as the case might be."

Aaron gulps and looks down at his own drink. "He's always told me he hated cheaters," he says quietly, taking a sip. "Are you sure it's the same person?"

"I still have photos of him in my Instagram. Hold up." He takes out his phone, scrolls through his Instagram before putting it into Aaron's hand. Aaron's breath catches in his chest, because the photo is Alexander and John, and there's no question about it.

Alexander is there- less of a beard, hair shorter, but it's undeniably him. They're at a pride parade, it seems. Alexander has a bi pride pin on his chest, John wearing a rainbow cape. He looks like a gay superhero.

"Fuck," Aaron whispers under his breath. "How long - how long ago did you two date?"

"We broke up June last year."

"Fuck," he repeats. It's March. "I can't date a cheater. Much less when it was recently."

John pats his back understandingly. "I can give you my number. Keep in contact, especially considering I wanna look into the conversion process. You can talk shit about Alexander to me any time."

Aaron sobers up, pays for his drinks. "I'd like that."

They exchange numbers. Aaron gets up, fixes his jacket and leaves, his head buzzing. By when he's at the apartment he and Alexander share he's getting a headache from thinking too much about the situation.

What if John is lying? A part of his mind asks, but why would he? He's giving him advice, they met each other this night. There's no reason for him to lie about Alexander cheating on him.

He can't bring himself to look at Alexander sleeping soundly; he heads to the couch, takes a blanket and curls into it. He can't bring himself to see Alexander's soft look, his soft snores and his peaceful look. He can't bring himself to think about how this man is a cheater.

He sighs and tries his best to sleep.

* * *

He doesn't mention it until two weeks afterward.

He's been kind of overanalyzing every single one of Alexander's actions. Asking silently if he's cheating on him, checking if he's coming home late. He's a little paranoid, and the fact he has to be makes him fall out of love a little bit. The man has grown a little more annoying, even - kind of like he found him before he fell in love with him.

He's loud and he's snappy, and he works too much and he gets drunk at parties and comes back smelling of alcohol and just more alcohol. He's almost desperately seeking for him to smell of sex, to have a reason more strong to break up, but there's nothing. It's not like he wishes Alexander cheated on him - it would break him - but it'd be a lot easier to explain.

"Did you hear Angelica's girlfriend cheated on her?" Alexander exclaims, doing exaggerated hand motions as he shows Aaron the screenshots Angelica showed him. "Like, what the hell! Cheaters are terrible. Like why'd you do that to your significant other?"

"I ask that too," Aaron says, voice low.

Alexander blinks. "What do you mean?"

Aaron grits his teeth. "I met John. I met your ex at the bar, Alexander."

He opens his mouth to speak, but he doesn't say anything. He stares, an indescribable emotion in his face - fear? Anger? - he doesn't know. "What'd he say?" he says after a few moments, voice a little shaken.

"You know exactly what he said, Alexander," he hisses. "You say you hate cheaters so much. **Do you ever mean the things you say**?" He gets up and looks at him, distaste in his eyes.

"I do hate cheaters!" he exclaims, biting his lip. "It was a simple mistake!"

"No," he cuts him off, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You got drunk, you flirted with this girl, you invited her to sleep with you, you slept with her." He does a shaky sigh. "There's dozens of mistakes going on there. You could've stopped at any fucking moment. And you didn't."

"I - Aaron, please, I have changed, I haven't cheated on you."

Aaron raises a brow. "Have you really?"

"I haven't!"

"Well..." He takes a deep breath. Alexander hasn't changed, he knows that. Deep down, he knows he could cheat on him at any moment. That it's only a matter of time. "You still cheated on John not even too long ago. How can I trust you?"

"Please, Aaron, trust me," he says, desperation in his dark eyes. "I won't cheat on you. I promise."

Aaron huffs. "I can't date a cheater, Alexander. You kept this secret because you knew I'd drop your ass." He scoffs, looking at him and shoving him away. "If I hadn't met John by chance I wouldn't have found out ever, would I?"

Alexander stays silent for a while. "No, I wouldn't have told you."

He clenches his fist. "Who do you like, huh?" he asks after a few seconds.

"Huh?"

"Who do you find attractive right now? Who will you replace me with, now that I'm gonna pack my bags and go?"

"You aren't gonna leave over me cheating a year ago -"

" _Damn_ right I fucking am," Aaron snarls.

Alexander takes a deep breath. "I don't know, Aaron. I don't - I'm not very keen on having crushes while being taken."

"Say that to you a year ago with your dick deep inside some girl's pussy, John waiting for you in your apartment."

"Aaron, it was a mistake -"

He shakes his head, spits at his general direction. "You're fucking unbelievable, Alexander Hamilton." He turns around and heads to the bedroom, taking one of his suitcases and pushing his clothes inside. "John'll probably let me in. And if I meet your next partner, you know for sure I will warn them."

Alexander takes a breath, leaning against the door and looking at Aaron helplessly. "Okay. Okay. Can you at least give me a goodbye kiss?"

"You know well you don't deserve it, Alexander."

He opens his mouth to speak while Aaron takes the suitcase off the bedroom. He takes his phone out, his whole body burning with anger and fury and all the synonyms he can come up with. He wants to kick Alexander's teeth in, but he isn't going to do that.

There's not much in his and John's chat, only talking shit about Alexander and talking briefly about the conversion process.

to john: hey dude can you give me your address im dropping alexanders nasty ass

It takes John a few minutes to answer, but he does. He calls an Uber, puts his phone back in his pocket and doesn't even say goodbye as he opens the door and goes to the elevator.

The waiting is tedious, and he gets into the Uber. He lets out a few sobs, anger washing over him a little. He opens Twitter as the driver goes to the apartment building John is in. He takes the anniversary date out, another sob escaping his mouth.

By when he gets to John's apartment, as soon as he opens the door he hurls himself into the man's arms. He holds him tight, rubbing his back comfortingly and muttering words under his breath.

"Thank you so much for everything, John," he says shakily, pushing the suitcase inside and closing the door.

"It's nothing, Aaron. Exes of that devil gotta stick together."

Aaron laughs a little and makes his way inside. He can live through this. He can.


End file.
